Category: Dating and Relationships
A friend of mine subscribes to an internet dating agency and recently she had an email from a guy whose profile states he is practically the perfect dream man. He is 6 ft 3 tall, is an high income earner, claims he's a helicopter pilot, likes the outdoors, having fun ... is inteligent ... all that sort of thing. Only thing is though, he's married, and freely admits it. Basically, he claims that he and his wife don't get on, but if he divorces her, she will take his kids back to some other country that she is from. He says he is away from his wife during the week so wants a relationship for that time, and then on weekends he will be going back to be with his wife and kids.
bearing all this in mind, would anyone go for someone like that? after all, at least he's been honest, although there wouldn't exactly be the prospect of a long-term future.
no, definitely not! i wouldnt dare mess with someone whos married, even if they were honest from the get-go. there would always be that little voice in the back of my mind, wondering if hes being faithful, and i couldnt handle that.
hes making it up the rat...
hmm, I'm inclined to agree with goblin. sounds as if he might not be beeing completely honest.
well on the "my wife and i don't get on bit" I'd be inclined to agree, as for the rest though ... why would someone make it up. after all less women would be inclined to go for a guy who was married than one who was divorced?
I think he's making a perfectly valid request/wish. He's up front about being married, hence one shouldn't expect anything more than just some fun with him during the week. Personally I'd never go for a married woman, even if she claimed she had husband problems. If the woman had acted on it and was separated or filed a divorce it's a possibility but it would have to be something very special and I'd have to believe that it's not just a passing troubled time in the relationship, I think once you submit to being "the other man/woman" I think it's a huge blow to your self worth and not something you should engage in, because there is no long term aspect there in any case and I know I wouldjust feel used.
cheers
-B
ohh we have decided to be civil that il last all of 5 minutes...6ft 3 and loaded helicopter pilot, in her dreams,its like something out of mills and boon.. you accused me of making up a life and that was a bigger lie than this load of contrived bullshit....
definitely not. but at some point i think he is honest. to her.
I really wouldn't believe him either; if he's rich and all that, I'd have to see for myself. I mean, saying he's almost the perfect guy would make me wonder if he's just saying that because someone naive enough (no offense) would believe him. Anyway, why would anyone want to advertise themselves when they're already married; just my opinion. I wouldn't go with someone whose married, even if they claimed to be almost the perfect guy.
Leilani
I can't help but agree with that one.
I tend to agree. I'd never go for it. To put it simply, even if he is telling the entire truth; once a person cheats they'll typically always cheat, and yet, it is most likely he isn't telling the entire truth. Even if his income is true, what about the reason for his wanting an affair? There is always 3 sides to every story...At least; his, hers and the truth. Also, assume he is lying about that; how can she ever trust him on anything else that he says? And then there is the self esteme and other problems that come with it. Including, but not limited to, accidental pregnancies, wifely anger and betrayal, and all the rest that should be considered before getting into a relationship.
well even if he is being totally honest with the woman he is getting involved with - after all he claimed he worked for the government so details like that can be varified although alarm bells would start to ring as soon as he told me he was a helicopter pilot - after all statements like that in my opinion would be met with a statement from me like "yeh right", but even if he was totally honest, he's not been totally honest with everyone has he. I mean what about his wife!
i've a true story which i want to share out. one of my friend involve in a relationship, which her bf have wife and 3 to 4 year old child. he keep telling my friend that she, my friend is his first and last love. after sometime, my friend realize that he was married, and still wanna continue with him. what kind of relationship is this? how about the wife? i mean he can do such thing to his wife, he can do the same thing to my friend as well.
I think it's all very well to say you'd do this and that and whatever, but the bottum line is, you can't help who you love and I am willing to bet that, if any of you found the partner of your dreams, you'd cling to that, no matter what.
Not at the expense of my personal safety and/or happiness not on your life...
I doubt that. *smiles* I've had crushes before, and I know it's not the same as love, but I still would just run away with him or whatever. I'm too careful with that, and in fact, it's hard for me (at least to think) I would trust someone that easily once I knew they lied to me). I guess for me, it matters more what he does than what he says or what he can buy me, so if I did fall for it, I guess he'd have to be a really really good liar in front of me. Then again, I haven't fallen in love to where I'm not paying attention to everything else, yet, and hopefully not, but who knows..?
Leilani
*laughs* I barely caught that typo in my last message. I meant I would, not, run away with him! *smiles8
Leilani
I beg to differ. I've been on both sides, and it simply is not worth it!!! I wouldn't do anything for love!!!
Sounds like he is hiding behind the internet and just trying to find some free snacks inbetween meals. That's one thing the net seems to spawn is this hole on-line relationship then get some on the side thing.
Anyone I meet from the computer I have this neet little tool I use it's called publicdata.com
and it's only for the states but you can easley find out if someone has a criminal record married etc. etc. Just can't be too carefull now days.
I'd like to clarify... I wasn't saying in my previous post that I would, or I wouldn't. I was saying that, how do I know? How do you know? If you fall so head over heels with someone, how do you know what you will and won't do? What you'll accept? What you won't? I don't think any of us can truely answer that until we are there.
been there, done that, not going there again. and thank god I don't have to. I won't go into details, for many reasons, but I can honestly say that given my time over again, I so wouldn't go for anyone like that. it's nothing short of being used, and yeah ok you can say that I at the time, and your, friend, claire, went into it with our eyes open, but ... well i'm better than that, and worth way more! i'm out of that sh*t now, and very happy, but at the time... i wasn't the hapiest guys in the world.
I guess there are two issues. one which seems to have taken over the gist of the original topic is whether you would go for a married guy despite the fact you knew he was married, based on your feelings for that person. I guess that in reality, no one really knows the answer to that question unless you are faced with the reality of it. some might, some might not, and every person would need to live with the decision they made. but the original topic did not really refer to that, it referred more to a guy who placed an advert in a dating agency website quite openly advertising the fact that he was married, and basically advertising for a bit on the side for during the week when he wasn't with his wife. And I think that opens up a whole new discussion line because how many would really go for that knowing from the outset that you're really going to be second best?
that's like putting an ad in, hi? wanna get used? it won't mean nothing to me, and neithe rwill you, but hey fancy a bit anyway? yuck, no thanks. then again, i guess some are into that kind of thing, and think it's better than paying for it, with money.
hmm Do you really think so? what about the emotional cost, the lasting fear of being hurt so badly, that you will never risk taking another chance, for fear of being unable to cope with yet more emotional fall out....
hmmm, no i don't care what the situation is, he is married and no one should stoop to the level of cheating. I don't care if he is married, you should even try to come between people that are in a relationship. Someone is going to get hurt in this and you are being selfish if you think you can take him to make youself happy. If in the end they don't work then go for it, but until then back the freak up. I know how it is to get hurt by someone cheating, and i couldn't imagine putting someone throught that. So hmm, for oonce people need to think of others and how they feel, instead of themselves. smile- angel
All married men want is free sex, they are looking for something that they are not getting with there wives, and if that's the case, perhaps marage counseling, or divorce are in order!!!!!!
my girlfriend dated a woman who was married for 6 years. The woman and her were best friends. The husband was very close too but never new. The woman ended up leaving Wendy my girl, and her husband for another lesbian women in the end. They both came out and Wendy told the husband who was none to happy about the affair. My opinion is that if it is love it is love. Who are you to judge.
I wouldn't get involved in that mess. What if they had children, then you'd have a custity battle. She may try to pull you into some issues, like court issues over this or that, no I don't want to be in that type of mess.
Troy
There is a lot one can say about this. If I knew everyone involved, I could have been more persize, but from what you said, he doesn't seem like a secure guy to me at all. I hope you can help your friend realize this and although he is emphasizing all the stuff he would want to make her to stay with him, she shouldn't believe him at all. If he still hasn't sorted out things with his wife, he should do that first before trying to find someone else, because many lifes can be destroyed because of once past. If he is the guy he really claims he is, he should just let her see for herself, instead of manipulating her emotionally with such nonsense.
Everyone is talking about starting a relationship with a married person, which I know is the topic. My question is would you guys have a one night stand with a married person? No strings attached.
Just ran across this topic again and wanted to answer the last question. My answer is, no. because if I did, I know I would feel really guilty knowing I did something like that, especially that he'd be hiding that from his wife. But mainly I wouldn't because to me that would just be wrong of partners to cheat. If I were the wife, I know I'd be really hurt if I were married and learned that my husband had an affair on me.
If you want to know about me personally I would have to say no.
For the first reason I have had someone be unfaithful to me. I know how painfull it is. I forgave that person again and again, but it is true that once they do cheet they will do it over and over again. Not to say if they lost the person they might not change their behavior but knowing it and sticking with them, or forgiving them again and again it's almost asking to be hurt.
For another reason. At one point in my life i was asked to be the other woman. I thought I liked this person allot, and I never did go with him, but even having feelings for him I always asked myself. "Does she know what he says to me about how she treets him? Is it true what he says? How many other girls could he be saying this to? Am I just a game to him? If I were to be with him and he did leave who says it wounldn't be 6 months or 2 years later and he'd be doing the same? If I was with him could I trust him to have a telephone convorsation with any other women, have a personal email?"
I think you get the idea. As I believe you want personal oppinion there is mine with some food for thought. You can say yes emotions run hi, and I can agree with that whole heartedly, but I believe people can learn to love again and heal. Yes it hurts to let go and feels sometimes almost impossible, but if someone uses a combiination of brain and heart they can make the right decission for them.